torsdag, februari 16

I dreamed a dream

Ofta önskar jag att jag inte hatade J. Att han inte ens skulle vara på min radar, att han skulle vara blott ett minne, ett dåligt skämt som bara bleknade med tiden. Men det fungerar inte så. Inte när han ska skicka en jävla låt via spotify på alla hjärtans dag och den låten ska ha ett så fånigt namn att jag först inte ens tänker på det. Dirty Girl av Eels. Först tror jag att det är ett jävla skämt och jag tänker att detta är som det jävla mailet han skickade som inte betydde någonting. Sedan googlar jag. Sedan läser jag.

I like a girl with a dirty mouth
Someone that I can believe
We had a window, not open too long
But that time is good and gone

And if I ever see her again
Just walking by with some guy
I know that we will need to pretend
And hope our eyes keep telling lies

Sit on the back porch and wonder 'bout her
What is she doing right now?
Making somebody a happier man
Dying her hair back to brown

Once in a while your life gets so good
Worth all the trouble of the past
That was the case but I think I always knew
Good things don't ever last

I like a girl with a dirty mouth
Know that I can trust her
We had our time but it didn't last too long
And that time is good and gone

That time is good and gone
That time is good and gone


Då är det svårt att inte hata honom. Det är svårt att stänga av och koppla bort när man hatar honom så mycket att man nästan sprängs och så hårt att det nästan syns utanpå. Att man tror att tårarna inte längre består av salt och vatten utan destillerad avsky och svartaste förakt. Han får inte säga sådant här till mig, han förtjänar inte det.

Joachim, det är inte romantiskt. Det är en jävla kniv rakt in i mig som du aldrig slutar vrida om.

I often wish that I didn't hate J. That he's not even on my radar, that he's nothing more than a memory, a bad joke that gets more vivid as time passes by. But it doesn't work that way. Not when he sends me a fucking song through spotify on Valentines Day and that song has such a silly name that at I first I don't even think about it. Dirty Girls by Eels. First I think that it's a bad joke like that time he sent me that email which didn't mean anything. But then I google. And then I read.

I like a girl with a dirty mouth
Someone that I can believe
We had a window, not open too long
But that time is good and gone

And if I ever see her again
Just walking by with some guy
I know that we will need to pretend
And hope our eyes keep telling lies

Sit on the back porch and wonder 'bout her
What is she doing right now?
Making somebody a happier man
Dying her hair back to brown

Once in a while your life gets so good
Worth all the trouble of the past
That was the case but I think I always knew
Good things don't ever last

I like a girl with a dirty mouth
Know that I can trust her
We had our time but it didn't last too long
And that time is good and gone

That time is good and gone
That time is good and gone


Then it's hard not to hate him. It's hard to turn off and turn away when you hate him so much that you almost blow up and so tough that it's hard to believe that it's not visible on the outside. That the tears no longer consist of salt and water but distilled disgust and the darkest contempt. He don't get to say things like this to me, he doesn't deserve that.

Joachim, this is not romantic. This is a fucking knife straight into me that you never stop twisting.

1 kommentar:

Virvelvindsflickan sa...

Håll huvudet högt.

Dåligt stil av honom att göra så.